The Sessums Family: Simplicity and Heaven

I just wanted something simple. This blog has had a face-lift and I'm not just talking about the new design. My face has lifted up from the way I used to dwell on such un-important things to now just enjoying each moment, doing what I'm supposed to do and trusting God with the rest.

The other day when I was in a funk with the "why me's" I just thought but what if all of this would not have happened. What if I was moving along in a normal pregnancy, preparing a nursery, monogramming cute Jon-jons...what if? I would not be where I am at spiritually right now. I would love more than anything to have my baby kicking around inside of me right now but because his purpose was fulfilled and he is with the Lord then I can find this bread crumb to hold onto: I would not be so intimate with the Lord as I am right now. Before Isaiah whose name means "God is salvation"and let's also just note, here at Christmas time, that Isaiah was the prophet who wrote so much about our coming Saviour and as the Lord reminded me today that in Isaiah the Lord asked "who will go for us?" And Isaiah said "here I am, send me" :) but before my pregnancy with him this was me:

Anxious

Worried about our health

Worried about losing someone close to me

Worried about money

Worried about where we would get orders to move to

Worried about how I was going to maintain my weight

Worried about dying so therefore worried that I was going to get cancer or some illness

Worried.worried.worried.

Looking back it was all rooted in unbelief. I couldn't for the life of me, literally, picture heaven and therefore I just "head believed" it. You know where you say "I believe" but your gonna worry yourself silly to try not to get there anytime soon even though Jesus plainly says "who of you by worrying can add a single day to your life?" Also, I was in a Beth Moore bible study in the spring and we were watching her lecture video one day and she said, while referring to Jesus talking, "I can't wait to see you...I wish you were a little more excited to see Me." That image stopped me in my tracks. I confessed "Jesus, I'm not ready" everyday I'm sitting here worrying that today is not the day that you take me! I mean what will happen with my family? My husband? Child? This statement from Beth just kept popping in my head! Then there I was. Holding my 7oz baby who had just saw Jesus face to face and thought for the first time "Jesus, I can't wait to see you." Here I hold my flesh and blood that came from my body and at this moment his eyes are be-holding You! He is seeing the wonderful King right now. Heaven. My little boy is there and since all my fleshly self could think about before that moment was how I wanted to worry myself for one more day on earth and therefore not really focus on what the bible says about that "place He is preparing for me" and now all I want to know is more! What all does God say about heaven...whatever words He has in His word is what I want to know. Every morsel. So this Mama pulled out her big old concordance. Flipped to the word "heaven" and seriously sat like a crazy woman for 3 hours one afternoon reading every scripture reference about heaven. Y'all it was exhausting. But so rich. Then I just asked Him to take me to "school" I want to know everything that He wants me to know. I look forward to it. I know I have purpose here but I feel like I can say with confidence "to live is Christ and to die is gain." I couldn't say that before. A sweet, godly woman who is like my "spiritual mother" texted me shortly after and said that she felt led to ask a friend what bible study she was in right now and she named Kay Arthur's "Heaven, Hell and Life After Death." Almost instantly after getting that message I ordered that book for me and my husband to do together! It was awesome and necessary. I was reading a blog by a sweet godly lady who has also lost her baby boy and she references a book called Heaven. She didn't say the author so I was thinking "how will I ever find this book?" I trust her, in the fact that I know that this book was not just anyone's book but it had to be based on Gods word. Many people have theories on heaven. I don't want a theory, I want the truth. I have been told many things about heaven but it's not enough for my OCD self. I have to have the word straight from the source in order to believe it. So I walked into Lifeway Christian book store yesterday and the very first shelf pointing right at me was the book called "Heaven." I didn't have to look or ask anyone for help. I read the commentaries and all people could say was that the author bases everything on The Word and the author himself says "it's up to you to test by Gods word what I say, hold onto the good and reject the bad." So im praying that the truth will be embedded in my heart.

I'm at peace. This Christmas is a different one for me. My worship of that King is different. Hope. He came to give me that and I fully accept it it. We read today in out advent devotional (Jesse tree) about how all God wants is out heart. My little boy who half-way pays attention. Who distracts our devotional time by kicking his toy on the floor, crumbling something in his hand, bouncing around in his chair, raising his hand and saying "excuse me" every 5 seconds. Yea, that little boy...he jumps up and says "I know! we can make a heart ornament for our tree to give our heart to Jesus!" Can we just pause for a "Mama heart melting moment." Goodness gracious. So even though it was almost time for nap and we had to pull all the art supplies out, guess what we did? We made us a heart for Jesus. We each wrote our names on it and said "Jesus here is our heart to you" that's what Christmas is about. That's what our hope is in...Him taking our hearts and keeping us in His love forever!

Heart is still in a puddle on the floor,

Candace