Just Ask for Wisdom

This little boy has my heart. All of it. He brings so much joy and happiness to my heart. He can make me so proud when I ask him to do something and he completely understands and does it. He can bring the biggest smile to my face when he says "Aahhmen" after we pray at dinnertime and the biggest smile when Dad and I start eating like we are dying of starvation without praying first and he sits there with both of his little hands out just waiting for us to put our hands in his and bow our heads in Thankfulness. Conviction comes with 2 year old accountability!

Lately, this little boy has tested me straight to the core of my very being. my soul. the deepest parts of my heart. Lately he has been used by God to trigger heart issues in me and to teach me. To press on those nerves of my heart...you know the ones...that are so sensitive, when they are barely touched cause a reaction that triggers your whole being and we are not talking good reactions because the point is to point out the dark. the ugly. the mess of me that I need to recognize, confess, and turn from. It looks like this...small small amount of patience, quick to get angry, slow to encourage, lazy in addressing the heart and just addressing the behavior. Because really in my own strength I only make it through about 2 times of falling out in the floor before I lose all my patience and I have no strength to sit my 2 year old down for the hump-teenth time and talk to him about what he is doing/did. But truth is it was coming from a heart in me that wasn't pure.

My husband and I decided to take a week off from disciplining the way we felt was "right" and pray asking God for wisdom. We had an angry 2 year old and frustrated parents and we knew that there was a disconnect...somewhere. "God help us to know where it is and give us wisdom" After 2 days of praying God gave the wisdom that I was asking for. I was on the treadmill (of all places) reading this book "Desperate" (Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe) By Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson. If you are a mom this is a must-read! Sarah Mae wrote words that I could have wrote myself and I felt God put this book in my hands, at that moment, to breathe that wisdom that I needed. First, of all...stop your way of "disciplining." On the way home from the gym that day I thanked God for the wisdom that He had given me through the mouth (or book) of this author. That I understood that He wanted me to show Walker more mercy and kindness than anything else and God clearly reminded me of one of my favorite verses in the Bible...Micah 6:8 and clearly He spoke to my heart "Candace, what do I require of you?" and I quoted this verse back to him (and there are many translations)..."to be kind, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." He said "every breath that you take as a mom you have to take it in humility knowing that you need ME for every breath you take!" I just burst in to tears! I confessed my anger, frustration, and lack of patience and embraced the Grace that HE had/has for me. But this is Truth! As a parent, as we discipline our child with an eternal perspective (to show him his need for Jesus) God wants us to do it out of Love, Mercy, Kindness, and in Humility. 

As I sat by my baby's bed tonight as he fell asleep while I sang him "Jesus Loves Me" I just thanked God for wisdom and that He will never leave me...not only in this journey of shepherding hearts but in everything...that his promises are true and I humbly said "I DO need you every step, every breath, of every day!"

Breathing in His Grace,

Candace

P.S. Since we changed our ways this week my 2 year old is not angry or acting out in anger and he is not falling out in the floor (as much). I can definitely tell a difference in him just because we get down face level with him when he disobeys and talk to him but you know what, he hasn't even been that disobedient this week! God's way is ALWAYS the best way!